#captain keldan kelhorn alderage

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Keldan: You're the reason I drink.

Maria: You're the reason I limp.

Keldan: Touché Bloodheart, touché.

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Can I make a suggestion that doesn’t involve violence, or is this the wrong crowd?

Dancer, to Keldan and Lux

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I looked at his face and saw me. That look in his eyes, the despair. I had it. Back before I became a Pirate. Just a lost little boy who didn’t matter and didn’t think he ever would. A little boy who cried himself to sleep at night ‘cause he wanted his parents so bad and could never understand why they gave him up.

Keldan, about Erwan

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Keldan: Aren't you... A damsel in distress?

Gisel: I'm a damsel, I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.

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Keldan: How long are you gonna be mad at me for?

Oda: Ten minutes.

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Keldan: All this for me? And here I didn't get Charmer anything.

Oda: Get him a fruit basket, I hear everyone loves those.

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Charmer: In case you haven't noticed, you've fallen right into my trap.

Keldan: You can't trap justice. It's an idea, a belief!

Charmer: Even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time.

Keldan: Justice is a non-corrosive metal.

Charmer: But metals can be melted by the heat of revenge!

Keldan: It's revenge, and it's best served cold!

Charmer: But it can be easily reheated in the microwave of evil!

Keldan: Well I think your warranty's about to expire!

Charmer: Maybe I got an extended warranty!

Keldan: Warranties are invalid if you don't use the product for its intended purpose!

Oda: Uuugh! Girls, girls! You're both pretty! Can I go home now?

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Keldan: do you want doritos?

Dix: I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS

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Vesper: Little girls who kiss frogs expect them to turn into you.

Simon: Oh, come on. I'm not that good-looking.

Oda: Yeah, you are.

Keldan: You kind of are.

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Keldan: Did you just refer to the knife as a "people-opener?"

Dix: Should I not have?

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Vesper: You’re smiling! Did something good happen?

Maria: Can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

Lux: Keldan tripped and fell in the doorway.

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You know, it’s amazing I can function at all.

Keldan, after talking to his parents.

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Keldan: *starts with the angsty shit*

Thistle, dragging Simon, Richard, and Maria with them: NO ANGST! HAPPINESS COMMITTEE ASSEMBLED!

Keldan: I didnt even know you could talk!?

Thistle: *rude gesture*

Keldan: Well I did know you could do that.

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On a hike

Oda: Man, it's beautiful out here today. I love Mother Nature!

Keldan: *out of breath* MOTHER NATURE'S A WHORE.

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I would court you, with all the grace and courtesy that you deserve. There’d be no lies between us. We’d have time to be together.

Keldan Kelhorn, to Oda Nackle on if life had been different

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Keldan, to Rogue: First rule of Battle, little one: don't ever let them know where you are.

Dix: WOO HOO! I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O' ME?! YEAH, YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Woo Hoo!

Keldan: Of course, there are other schools of thought.